Fear of suffering -

 Fear of suffering
mm In 1959, my Granny (my father's grandmother) because they can not eat, in a moment of sunshine passed away in pain, the same people who hunger to lift her lack of strength, but only dragged her into the land on the ground hh that is suffering. No matter how this suffering is coming. It was thanks suffering, I do not, never, because I kind of deep fear of it hh
(a)
suffering is a lock, once it is trapped, it is hard to find the key to open it. because this key is not in the hands of the people. They just suffer in silence.
when I was very young, to continue to listen to those speaking Scraping the bark from the things my father. In my old lady starved to death, my father is also facing the same challenges. He no longer tolerate the situation, suddenly blew the bark to eat. father thus survived, but He also paid a price: being beaten very badly.
beaten on his father's experience, the big people always go beyond that, my father never had told me about before, I never asked. because I believe this is very painful inside his father a memory.
This is my family on the three thousand million people starved to death caused by the authenticity, some even said that no one starved to death.
I can not give the correct answer.
my Granny's death, but is a definitive evidence. The old woman like me This was starved to death, the home also can give a long list of names of people to their death hh, so I have many times the home of the suffering cry hh
some truth, is not required to verify the. < br> year, Xinyang, Henan is the worst affected areas, some villages most of the people were starved to death hh
later, is 75 years floods, home to tens of thousands more people die of floods.
to 90 years, was fancy to the home of poverty, poor people playing in your mind, they sold their blood as bait to get rich, many people will trick the body's own blood as a commodity sold out.
another which in turn attracted more a big disaster, because such a disaster can be extended to future generations the way the invisible hh
home is the crime there, heaven so much hard innocent?
days Yeah, yeah man!
groan when the pain through time and space, it is violently beat some numbness and cold of the soul, now, can someone do this profound remorse and guilt? when the poor helpless and desolate lament, over and over again repeated by generation after generation, who put in over the slightest attention of the hh
when some people used their power to other people's houses down the helpless; when some people used their resources to other poor people further ruthlessly stripped of hh
this world, there are more ferocious than the suffering? If so, that is, its maker!
(b)
I think I should write about my grandma.
from After Grandpa died, I have not returned home more than two years, and there is no reunion with Grandma too.
my grandfather would not say no, my grandmother always a listener, she did not know the word, do not know what to say to do. So, as we speak, she always listened carefully, sometimes it is constantly busy hh some very trivial things back home every year, I always give my grandfather brought some of his favorite things, Grandma has been neglected.
because Grandpa and Grandma live.
grandfather died in the day, I am here beside my grandmother, her heart suddenly felt lonely and helpless. the starting team in the funeral , I heard her cry of grief soon: how can I live ah!
phrase crying, my heart shattered.
I ran back and knelt beside the grandmother, holding her hand hh
save Grandma's life was his grandfather back .1959, the grandfather on the river, came back, my grandmother has been hungry dying, and when Grandpa came back with a bread saved the life of her grandmother.
Grandma is a very good people. And the village to my grandmother called door.
grandmother always enthusiastically called them inside the house, give them the bowl Serve the rice. ask them come from, what was difficult at home. the other party if the right miserable, Grandma will stay with tears, take the time, give them to bring out some bread.
grandfather did. but grandpa never liked to come forward to do so directly, Grandpa was a very detached, he that beggar has his own self-esteem, so Grandma came forward, the other more acceptable.
our house on one of the beggar are particularly good, the crazy beggar.
I heard my grandparents say that the beggar turned out to be a local famous person, one day at home suddenly caught fire, and his beloved wife, unfortunately, lives were lost in a sea of fire. He heard the news, and suddenly the spirit out of control, from mad.
grandparents give me more than once : He is a man good man. a good man should be rewarded. If he is, my grandmother always took the opportunity to talk to him a few words, as long as the other side a little close to the normal reaction, grandmother excited to tell her familiar with the people.
whenever he comes, no matter who is at home, at home, must quickly come up to him to eat.
but that did not catch up. That day, that crazy people, we do not do well at home rice, let him wait a little longer to come back. Who knows, at the time, the man on the door of our house painted a lot of feces.
I become the object of ridicule kids, and my heart is full of grievances and anger.
But the grandmother said, people are crazy, how to meet him care about it? he either died at home, it will not mad a nice people, ah!
grandmother went weeping.
grandmother door drag the river, brush for ages, only clean.
later, and then this happens, if we do not make rice at home, first by her grandmother went to the neighbors over for him. < br> Now, when I re-think of these things, I suddenly was very moved. such as the grandmother who, in addition to good, there is tolerance for those who suffer mm understanding and tolerance hh
I suddenly miss miss my grandma hh
(c)
suffering the greatest harm to the children is not reading. three brothers and sisters as we are admitted to study at home, in our whole town, are very rare.
I Therefore, parents have paid a heavy price.
father was a craftsman, will carpentry, he is the first in our village who work outside the home. by his craft from our home support, support from three of our brothers and sisters want.
In my mind, I always see-saw or planing wood in the parent's voice into sleep.
parents has been very hard to stay up late, often until dawn.
they are seriously very sparingly save every penny for the three of us to read. I was a child health is very bad, every few days to get sick, this is a great burden our family.
parents so desperately to make money more.
hh
brother admitted to the University at the time, I train with his father for his brother to do a procedure, on the road, I bought a newspaper for him to see a point.
father suddenly said: look, then looked out the window blankly hh
I desperately tried to control himself, and it did not let the tears flow.
parents to the three of us went to school, have racked their efforts, they like machines, the annual constantly overloaded with.
life, like a wheel of suffering.
in the country's financial growth, but the sequence shirk obligations. education, as this only road to happiness, also increased the cost of growing them to the punch, suffering, will become more terrible.
when we of this generation into the land, and then go on suffering and then by the next generation inherit hh
like to repay the suffering of life debt. Chinese people have been in this circle.
material poverty, coupled with growing pressure mentally.
suffering, always surrounded by in our around hh
(d)
I unforgettable experience of suffering began to read.
I like reading, but I did not buy the book.
So, he wanted hundreds to thousands of square design to find, borrow. library there a time limit, which also gives me the fast reading ability. However, some books, people may not be willing to lend you, then one can, by the book is actually very limited.
my character inside, there is a very long time is eternity things. For example, I have always liked reading, up to now has not changed, I grew up like the qin, and now is still my favorite hh
not at school, I secretly put some of my family that did not use metal to sell scrap metal, but the harvest is very limited after all.
one day, I stumbled on the drawer four dollars to buy out a book quietly. I later learned that it was his father also account for used.
from grandfather to father, the family has maintained a disloyal ancestors left behind the tradition.
I inadvertently made a big mistake.
because I have always performed well, the family would suspect which is the younger brother stole the dollar, so, without more ado, my brother endured a beating. I am extremely guilty about this, until now, this matter has always beat me hh
waiting for me to work when a large become part of the money to buy the book.
Tianshuiyuan my favorite books to go to Beijing to buy books wholesale market, where the books can play 8-fold. I often buy books in Beijing Book Building. later books increasingly pricing The higher prices will find some books at a bookstore.
After buying the book each time, waiting for the subway, I would pick up books to read, several times the wrong trips, several times took the wrong stand hh
But I'm still lucky. my parents to take on more misery for the price to get rid of their suffering has been endured.
years ago back home, I noticed a lot of kids because the village can not afford the school fees are forced to drop out of school, I see them lost eyes, see their dark eyes, see their frustration and helplessness hh
placed in front of them are still suffering, parents are the kind of suffering will continue in their possession extension of compulsory education cycle hh
feel they can not.
I feel.
only feel deprived, deprived of an invisible! behind in misery, is one sharp teeth, it is inherently cruel to tear the people hope, endure in silence until they become slaves to hh
we see and hear is still the brilliant achievements of compulsory education, the achievements under the mask of misery injuries.
but still suffering.
when education, the children are the only way out of suffering, away from the villages, the suffering, not far away, but closer hh
2003-10 -21 am
link: the joy of melancholy mm peer-mm press section just to himself
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